Dear Annie: My husband is estranged from his adult children and ex-wife, through no fault of his own. His son is getting married this summer, and recently we learned that we’ll be invited, despite his having cut off contact with his dad years ago. We’re not sure whether to go to the ceremony or not. It will most likely be awkward for both of us. — RSVP Pondering
Dear RSVPP: You’re far more likely to regret not going than you are to regret going. If you go and it’s awkward, then at least you can say that you went and put it behind you. Sit it out and your husband might always wonder whether he should have gone.
And keep in mind, you can keep it short and sweet and leave right after the ceremony or early in the reception.
Dear Annie: I’ve been with my husband for six years, and we’ve been married for four. There are a lot of issues and problems. One of these he knew I was battling when he first met me about two years prior to us getting together. I’ve been in many long-term relationships and am pretty accommodating of partner’s wishes and idiosyncrasies in general, and I can brush off disagreements easily. But my husband said something recently that has sent me into a tailspin. He said he wants us to have a girlfriend. I can’t, and I won’t. And now just the thought of him and another women even talking drives me out of my mind. But I can’t get past the fact that he wants to sleep with another woman. Do I just force myself to go with this and find a woman who is reasonably agreeable to me? Otherwise, he said he’s going to divorce me. I hurt like I’ve never hurt in my life. — Worried Wife
Dear Worried Wife: Your husband pulled the old bait and switch. He presented himself as a monogamous man who wanted to be with you alone. Now he wants you to be OK with his seeing another woman — and not just that, but he wants you to see her, too. You didn’t sign up for any of this, and it’s unfair of him to expect you to simply go along.
I always recommend marriage counseling before separation or divorce. Give it an honest shot. But if it turns out that your lifestyles are irreconcilable, know that it’s no reflection on your attractiveness or worthiness.
Dear Annie: In a recent column, you mentioned how men experiencing ED should talk to their doctors about it, because it can be a sign of heart disease. Seeing as it is National Heart Month, I wanted to mention that heart disease should also be on the radar of every woman in America. It’s our No. 1 killer! And I learned recently that some risk factors, such as diabetes, heighten the risk of heart disease more significantly in women than in men. A diet rich in whole grains, fruits, vegetables (including starchy veggies like potatoes) has been shown to be a boon for cardiovascular health. Although I believe you’ve mentioned this in a previous column already, I would like to strongly recommend Dr. Caldwell Esselstyn’s book “Prevent and Reverse Heart Disease,” for anyone who is concerned about her heart health. — Take Care of the Ticker
Dear Take Care: Thanks for the timely message. That book is a wealth of information on the link between diet and cardiovascular disease.
“Ask Me Anything: A Year of Advice From Dear Annie” is out now! Annie Lane’s debut book — featuring favorite columns on love, friendship, family and etiquette — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected]
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